This is me again (and no longer my parents). It turns out there is wireless internet access (for a fee) on this oncology ward. I am still in hospital, and I hate it. It has been a week now, and no end in sight. They won't let me out of here until 48 hours after my fever goes away, and as of an hour ago I still have a fever. It had gone down for the day, but it just came back again.
After a weekend of the fever not going down they switched up the antibiotics and now I am on three of them. Also my white blood cell count is low, as is my hemoglobin. For the hemoglobin, they are giving me a blood transfusion (I am getting the 2nd half right now). For the white bloods cells I'll get some kind of injection.
Last Tuesday was total hell. I had swarms of people around me. Constantly poking me and doing everthing to me at once. For a while it seemed as if they announced to the whole hospital that there was a patient who need his stomach uselessly poked and prodded for as many times as possible, not to mention asking me my whole goddamn clinical history. In Emerg just before I got transfered under Intensive Care, they were trying to put another IV into me, as fast a possible, which meant two nurses were jabbing me on both arms at once. Finally they called in someone who was better at it and got the 2nd IV in. In intensive care the multiple wires and tubes connected to me were annoying, but the worse part was wearing the forced pressure mask that forced air down my throat. Kind of like wearing scuba gear except way less comfortable and much louder. Meanwhile doctors and nurses kept asking me questions while I was wearing it, so I had to scream to make myself heard. It was a nightmare. That said, it probably saved my life, or at least saved me from going into a ventilator with a fat tube shoved down my throat.
Now a week later, I am highly depressed and often annoyed as this place is always noisy and interruptive, but at least I am not in intensive care. It requires a lot of effort from me to attempt to be civil to people. I have zero desire for visitors and I don't want to talk to anyone, I think because it just reminds me that I am here and focuses and sharpens that fact into my face somehow. I'd much rather just distract myself by reading or, if possible in the place, sleeping.
I am done with chemo. There is no way I will attach that 5fU pump again just for another couple weeks of it. It was chemo's fault that I was so weak and so easily susceptible to infections. I can't wait for that poison to work its way out of my body. Radiation has been on hold for more than a week, but if my blood levels get better it might resume tomorrow. I do want to finish that, because unlike the chemo, the radiation might actually be doing something positive. Who knows.
